Posted January 23rd, 2012 by jshannon

The Highlight Reel returns to Raw…but will Jericho speak, this time? Also, the Funkasaurus will bring his disco bunnies to dance their way into your hearts.

Roll the opening montage!

Poenix, AZ was the home for this week's episode. Things kicked off with a bang as C.M. Punk's music erupted from the speakers. The crowd popped huge for the rowdy WWE champ. John Laurinaitis will serve as the Special Guest Ref when Punk defends against Dolph Ziggler, at the Royal Rumble. Punk soaked in the cheers of the fans before speaking. Punk said the WWE title match would be huge. Punk touted himself as the best wrestler in the world. Punk said Dolph had beaten him three times in the past month. He did say that the wins were hand delivered to Ziggler by John Laurinaitis. Punk then went off on what a failure John Laurinaitis has been. Punk sent it to video proof that Laurinaitis was ready to screw Punk on Sunday. Laurinaitis then clocked Mick Foley, who was a special guest for the week. Punk was certain that Laurinaitis was prepping to screw him. He hinted that he would break both of Laurinaitis' arms. He then invited Johnny to come out to the ring. He dared Laurinaitis to "take your b*lls out of your purse" and tell Punk, to his face, that he planned to screw him over.

After a long pause, Punk said he would come find Laurinaitis. For some odd reason, John Cena walked from the back. Why? Cena is set to go to war against Kane at Royal Rumble 2012. The crowd was ultra-hostile towards the former champ. Punk thought Cena was confused about which John he wanted. Cena said he was tired of listening to Punk ramble. Cena was out there to demand a rematch for Zack Ryder for the US title and grant him a one-on-one battle against Kane. Cena said he wanted Laurinaitis to resign as the acting General Manager of Raw. Punk said he was cool with that but…

Out strolled John Laurinaitis. He ran down his credentials, again. John said he stands by what he said, last week. He refused to be intimidated by either of them. Punk asked Laurinaitis to come down to the ring so they could hear him. Laurinaitis said Zack Ryder would face Kane, in a Falls Count Anywhere Match. If Cena gets invovled, Zack would forfeit any future rematches. He then put Punk and Cena into a tag team match. Laurinaitis called for a ref.

John Cena and C.M. Punk vs Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger (w/Vickie Guerrero)

Dolph warned Punk that he should be worried about him, not Laurinaitis. Dolph said Laurinaitis didn't need to screw over Punk, because Dolph would just beat Punk. Swagger then said Cena was just dead meat for what he did, last week. John Laurinaitis strolled down, a few steps behind Cougar Talent Agency.

Laurinaitis took a seat at ringside. Dolph and Cena locked up and they went to the corner. Irish Whip intoa Bulldog by Cena for two. Punk took the tag and kicked Dolph. He then Snap Mared him and went for a quick pin. Dolph Floated Over a Suplex. Dolph blocked the GTS and vacated the ring. Raw went to break.

Dolph almost got pinned as Raw returned. Dolph with a hard kick and shapr punch. Dolph ducked under a pair of Clothesliens nad then showed off, per his new nickname. Swagger took the tag. Fisherman's Suplex by Cena and then Cena strutted. Swagger with a Flying Clothesline to drop Cena. Swagger stomped and punched on Cena. dolph got a cheap shot in when the ref pulled back Jack. Swagger with the Seated Bow and Arrow.Front Face Lock by Jack. Cena inched his way towards his corner. Cena with a Back Body Suplex. Dolph got the tag and Dropkicked Cena flush on the chin. 1-2-no. Repeated Elbow Drops by Dolph. Dolph stopped to do Sit Ups. Doofus.

Dolph with Elbow Bombs to the top of the skull. Double team in the enemy corner on Cena. Jack tagged back in and hit the Swagger Bomb. 1-2-Kick Out! Vickie couldn't believe it. Swagger with a Double Underhook, which he slipped into a Bear Hug. Cean with an Attitude Adjustment that left both men down and stunned. Punk and Dolph got tags. Punk exploded on Dolph with a Springboard Clothesline, Spinner Neckbreaker, Elevator Knee and Bulldog. Dolph blocked the GTS but did eat a vicious Crescent kick. Swagger made the save. Cena and Swagger went to the floor. John put Jack into the STF. Laurinaitis got on the apron. Punk cracked Laurinaitis in the face. Dolph rolled up the distracted Pun for the three.

Your Winners: Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger
Grade: B+ (88%)

Punk grabbed the house mic and said it was fine that Laurinaitis wanted to screw him…because Punk planned to destroy "Johnny". Punk wanted John to be something he has never been for one night…a WWE Superstar. He said he wanted to make Laurinaitis famous…by facing Laurinaitis in a match. That is, unless Johnny was afraid. Laurinaitis thought about it for a moment…then ACCEPTED!

Chris Jericho strolled backstage. He was set to resurrect the Highlight Reel, later on.

The WWE Slam of the Week looked back at last week's six-man match. Jericho took the tag but left without ever doing anything. He danced around and then tagged out. What's up with that silliness?

Chris Jericho was introduced to host the Highlight Reel. The crowd wasn't buying it, this time. The pyros and such went off but the reaction was much more subdued than in recent weeks. Jericho will compete in Sunday's Royal Rumble. He took his time and looked around. He motioned for the crowd to quiet down. He started to speak, then halted. The crowd wasn't putting up with any of his crap, this time. He yelled, hold on, and ran up the ramp. He disappeared to the back and then returned with the t-shirt gun. Michael Cole tried to say that the fans were thrilled with Jericho and the gun. They did pop for free stuff but everyone outside of the first few rows were ticked that Jericho was wasting time. Jericho then took the camera and took crowd shots. Normally, I would say "Shut up and Wrestle". Tonight, it's like "If you are out there, say something…willya?" Jericho then sent it to a video package…about himself. He came back and again signed for everyone to remain quiet. HE FINALLY SPOKE. "This Sunday, at the Royal Rumble, it will be the end of the world…as you know it." That was it.

The WWE Rewind looked at Zack Ryder's association, form a few months back, with Hugh Jackman. Zack was involved with Dolph Ziggler. Hugh blasted Dolph, which led to the pin.Tonight, Zack was set to battle Kane in a Falls Count Anywhere Match. Also, R-Truth and Miz were set to war, later on.

Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler talked about the Royal Rumble. They sent it to the "The Numbers" video package.

Mick Foley and Eve Torres talked with Zack Ryder. Mick said Kane may look like a monster but he is just a man. He said Zack could defeat the Big Red Monster. Eve asked Zack not to do this, but Zack felt the need to do this. John Cena came up and offered to help but Zack begged Cena to not get involved. Zack knew he would lose his shot at a future US title rematch.

Zack Ryder vs Kane
Falls Count Anywhere Match

Zack was cleared to wrestle, even though his ribs were heavily taped. The entrance of Kane drew screams from the female fans in the crowd. Kane set off the turnbuckle pyro and then looked over at Ryder. Zack opened up with kicks and punches. Kane threw Ryder across the ring and then Punted the ribs. Ryder pulled Kane down over the top rope. Kane then kicked Ryder off the apron. He struck the announce desk. Kane went down to the floor and focused on the ribs. Kane slammed Zack, twice, into the steel ringpost. Kane then dropped Ryder. Kane then launched Ryder into the steel steps. Kane continued to stomp on the ribs. Eve came down to ringside to help Zack. Kane rushed Zack into the announce desk. Raw took another break.

Kane was still beating the daylights out of Zack. Eve was still there to support her man. Kane threw Ryder around like a rag doll. Kane dropped Ryder's ribs across the steps. Ryder kicked out of a floor pin at two. Kane seemed almost amused at Ryder's spirit. Kane cinched in his Kane Klaw but he released it before it had the full effect. Kane pitched Ryder over the barrier and out into the crowd. Kane rammed Ryder into the storage crates near the audio boards. Ryder picked up a video component and cracked Kane with it. Kane shrugged it off and continued to assault the ribs. Ryder was asked if he wanted to surrender, but he wouldn't. Kane threw Ryder up onto the ramp and kicked the ribs, yet again.

Kane threw Ryder into the WWE statue, at the top of the ramp. Kane continued to stomp away on Ryder. This was painful to watch. Kneelift by Kane. 2 count by the Big Red Monster. Cole kept saying that Ryder should give up. Kane with a Headbutt. The crowd chanted for their hero but he was far beyond hearing them. Ryder did start to punch back but a single right hand laid out Zack. Chokeslam through the stage by Kane. Eve screamed at the ref to stop this. She rushed up to where Zack was. Kane then started to chase Eve down the ramp. John Cena came out onto the ramp to stare down Kane. Cena stopped to look at Ryder. Eve rushed back to the side of Ryder. Everyone looked seriously concerned, at this point.

Your Winner: Kane (as Ryder was unable to continue)
Grade: B (84%)

EMTs and paramedics rushed out to place Ryder on a backboard. Eve was in tears as the medics attended to Ryder. Raw took a well-needed break.

Zack was being placed on the stretcher as Raw returned. Cole and Lawler spoke in a quieted tone as they explained what had happened, in the last segment. Zack wasn't moving, at all, on the gurney. He was breathing normally. Eve was crying as they wheeled Zack towards the waiting ambulance. Cena was right at Zack's side. Cena told Zack "I'm going to take care of this, bud." Eve blamed Cena for what happened. Eve said she was going with Zack. Cena's inner anger was obvious. Cena was asked about his feelings. Cena remained silent for a long time and then turned to knock the microphone away. He seethed with fury as Raw went to another break.

Cole and Lawler were still in a somber mood as the show returned.

Jindar Mahal vs Sheamus

Sheamus is my pick to win the Royal Rumble, this year. The two locked up and went to the corner. Kneelifts by Mahal. Sheamus came back with brutal blows tot he back. As Sheamus went for a pin, Wade Barrett strolled down tot he announce table. Sheamus with Crossfaces in the ropes. Wade put on the headset and joined the announce team. Sheamus started up the ropes but got caught. Mahal threw Sheamus off and kicked Sheamus in the face. Running Kneelift from the apron by Mahal. 1-2-not yet. Mahal was a modified Shinu Numaki Sleeper. sheamus rolled under to break the pressure but Mahal held firm. Sheamus got free and nailed Celtic Clubs to the face. Pearl River Plunge by Sheamus. Sheamus went for the Celtic Cross but had to settle for the Brogue Kick.

Your Winner: Sheamus
Grade: B+ (87%)

Wade and Sheamus argued after the match. Wade back peddled, quickly, when Sheamus went after him. Sheamus took the house mic and told Wade to notice him in the ring. He swore he would be the last man in the ring, on Sunday.

While Sheamus is my pick, Daniel Bryan vs Chris Jericho would be a dream match. Jericho could be a serious threat. In the back, Josh Mathews interviewed The Miz. Miz said all of his former partners have fallen from grace, after leaving his side. Miz rambled on about how he would win the Rumble. Truth came up, in disguise, as a research assistant. He said Mis was Number One in several categories: WEIO (What Else is On), Biggest Jackass, Most Annoying, etc… John Laurinaitis came out and went off on both of them for disturbing him. He said whoever lost in the upcoming match would have to enter the Royal Rumble…as number 1!

William Regal was at the announce table. They sent it back to Regal's dance against Brodus Clay. That was just too funny. Clay then nailed Regal with the Aw Funk It. "His Bad". "Funkasaurus" Brodus Clay was introduced. I hate to admit it, but he's growing on me. This week, he was all dressed out in a John Travolta-white jumpsuit. Clay and the Funkettes danced for the crowd. William Regal wasn't amused.

Brodus Clay vs Heath Slater

Clay jiggled to start the match. Heath charged and went down hard. Slater with a Dropkick that had minimal effect. Clay with a modified Pounce. Fisherman's Suplex into a Corner Splash. Aw Funk It!

Your Winner: "Funkasaurus" Brodus Clay
Grade: B (84%)

Regal was infatuated with one of the Funkettes. He swore he could out-dance Clay.

Raw looked at the 2007 Royal Rumble. Undertaker came in at number 30. He was the first guy to win from the final entrant position. It came down to Shawn Michaels vs Undertaker. Shawn missed Sweet Chin Music and Shawn got dumped out.

The Miz vs R-Truth
Number One Position (in the Royal Rumble) Match

The loser of this contest would have the unfortunate "honor" of starting the Royal Rumble. Raw looked back at the implosion of the Awesome Truth, several months back. Miz turned on Truth. Truth came out in a new, very bright t-shirt.

The two locked up and went tot he ropes. They rolled around the outer areas of the ring and Mix kicked and punched Truth. Truth with a Back Elbow. Miz hit the floor to break Truth's momentum. It didn't work, as Truth went out to the floor to attack. Miz got back in and then stomped away on Truth. Double Leg Trip by Truth into an Irish Whip. Miz lifted Truth and dropped him over the top rope. Miz with a Shoulder Rush to send Truth flying off the apron. He hit the floor, hard. Raw went to another break.

Miz clocked Truth and got a two count. Abdominal Stretch by Miz. Truth reversed it and backed to the corner. Truth with a boot as Miz charged. Flying Elbows by Truth. Wild Flying Small Package by Truth. Flying Facebuster by Truth for a two and a half. Reality Check by Miz was countered by Truth. Miz went back and got both halves of the move. Miz called for his finisher but Miz rolled Truth over. Seated DDT by Miz for a two. Miz began to pound on truth's skull and stomp the ribs. Facing the Truth by R-Truth to force Miz into the Number One Spot in the Royal Rumble.

Your Winner: R-Truth
Grade: A- (90%)

Lawler got a medical update on Zack Ryder. It was bad news. Zack has an initial diagnosis of…a broken back. His career might well be over. Updates on Zack's condition will be available on the official WWE website, during the week.

John Laurinaitis was ready to battle but he got a fax that was delivered by David Otunga. John was really not happy with what he read. I am so hoping that William Regal is about to be set as the Raw General Manager. He has a great sense of humor and plays the heel boss so well.

Cole and Lawler ran down the updated Royal Rumble card. I've been invited to a watch party but I'm not sure if I will be able to go. Sorry, Dar.

John "Johnny Ace" Laurinaitis vs C.M. Punk

Laurinaitis didn't come out when he was announced. Punk was getting aggravatd at having to wait. John then came out in black. He talked about Johnny Ace's career in Japan. He was the man who invented the Ace Crusher aka the Stone Cold Stunner. Laurinaitis said the fax was from the Board of Directors. The fax said the Board was concerned about Laurinaitis' actions, as of late. They were especially concerned about Laurinaitis' desire to favor Dolph Ziggler. Laurinaitis' status as the interim GM will be evaluated and a decision as to whether he would remain at his current position. The evaluation would be handled by Triple H. Punk told him that if John does screw him, Laurinaitis wouldn't have a job. Laurinaitis said he just got a wake-up call from the Board. He offered an apology to everyone in the WWE Universe for his actions. Punk wasn't willing to accept it. Laurinaitis put Mick Foley back into the Royal Rumble match. He then swore he would call the WWE title match, straight up. Punk got quiet for a moment and then said Laurinaitis was like the little girl who had been bad all year and then at Christmas got all nervous about Santa showing up. Punk hoped that Laurinaitis gets fired. Laurinaitis said he took over Talent Relations from Jim Ross and turned it around. Laurinaitis said he couldn't fight…but he had a substitute.

David Otunga vs C.M. Punk

Otunga attacked Punk from the blindside. Punk then exploded on Otunga and slapped on the Anaconda Vice. Otunga tapped, big time. Punk then went after Laurinaitis. Back Kick and Crescent Kick by Punk sent the back jumping Otunga to the floor. The crowd demanded Laurinaiitis' blood. John offered a handshake. Punk lifted Laurinaitis up and nailed the GTS!

Your Winner (of both matches): C.M. Punk
Grade: B (85%)

Dolph Ziggler then rushed in and laid out Punk as Raw went to black.

Peace